New Year New Dani

I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for the past few years; wonderful family, healthy and happy kids, a husband that adores me, a new home in a new state, a new nephew...I can go on. It's amazing how much life can change in just one year. As with the passing of one year to another there's always the "new year resolutions" that people start and usually never finish. Perhaps motivation is lacking, life gets in the way or you just plain forget...I think I'm guilty of all of these and laziness as well! I've never made a list to check off or put up to remind me. I've noticed that my life is chaotic (hello 3 boys 3 and under just screams chaos!) and I do better when making a list (although not perfect as I don't think half of my advent calendar was done on the day it was supposed to be!). Anyway, I'm going to "blog" my resolutions so that I have a written copy to refer to....I plan to print it and post it on the fridge, the mirror, wherever so that I am constantly reminded. Here's to a new year and a new Dani!

1. Lose weight
2. Eat healthier
3. Exercise regularly
4. Do at least 1 craft per month (if possible 1 per week depends on the craft and the budget!)
5. Try a new recipe at least 1 per month
6. Meal plan
7. Stay on budget
8. Attend 1 playgroup meetup per week minimum
9. Complete daily chores and maintain the house
10. Find a stay at home job to help pay the bills/save
11. Find and purchase our dream home
12. Have a date night at least 1 per month (depends on budget etc)
13. Communicate more regularly with family near and far
14. Potty train 3 boys!
15. Spend less time with technology and more time with family
16. Create and keep a routine
17. Have my kids (and husband) finish hugs (don't pull away!)
18. Be a more understanding and patient mother/wife
19. Be more attentive to the needs of my boys (big and small)
20. Read scripture and pray regularly.

20 is enough right?! LOL

Depression

I've been battling with a lot of issues lately. To top it all off, my family just relocated 1500 miles from everything and everyone we know. I've been struggling with career, parenting, marriage, finances, the whole gammit of life and it seems the holidays and the distance just add to it. I find myself lashing out at my family; at my kids who are just little and none of it is their fault or control. They are too little and besides- I'm the parent. It's my job to be watchful, attentive, supportive... They are such good boys and hardly ever do anything that warrants consequences so why do I overreact... I know it's because I'm not happy with myself, with the choices I've made, the lifestyle I'm living. Yet, every morning I wake up saying today it's all going to change and then I go right back to the same habits and stupidness of the life I've created for myself. It's ridiculous. I don't like who I am as a person let alone as a mother or a wife. My husband has been working so hard, 12 hr days away from everyone doing physical work to provide for us and I feel like I'm just sitting on the couch watching tv wasting away. Don't get me wrong I'm up and picking up the house and the boys are following behind me tearing it back down. That's what toddlers do. It just gets frustrating when you want things to be perfect and they aren't. When you want life to go the way you think it should and it doesn't. Nothing seems to be working out and it just makes me sadder... I don't know how to fix it anymore.